Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
