I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
