She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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