did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
