It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
