Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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