Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
