remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
