And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
