WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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