Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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