Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Someone signed my nipple.
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