At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize