We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
