I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i out mim tonsoeep
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