you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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