i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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