yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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