my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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