Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
