So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
