Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
