worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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