My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
