I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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