The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And my parents said I crawled through the house
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
