i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
