I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dick very happy bro
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
