woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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