genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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