Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
