The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize