He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
