I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
