Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
