I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
there is puke in my bra ... again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
