You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
