You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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