But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
