i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
