He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
