I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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