I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
