Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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