I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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