i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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