Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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