I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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