My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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