before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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