Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
