It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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