I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found puke in my bra..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
