OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
