I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
