Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
