I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize