i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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